The joys of searching for a new bike

I own three bikes at the moment - the Trek and Klein above (the Vitus was sold a couple of years ago, but it looked so nice, it would be a crime not to show a photo). The third bike (not pictured, for reasons that will become apparent) is my "city bike" which I bought in Munich from a bike workshop run by long-term unemployed people (e.g. people with learning difficulties). The bike is a bastardised mutant accident waiting to happen. It's a kids steel frame with strange size wheels, 5 speeds and brakes that just emphasise how disturbingly loose all the bearings are. The wheels are the main problem - when I got my first puncture, I took off the tyre to reveal that the shop had stuffed a way bigger old inner tube inside. I bought new tyres recently and because they are non-standard, antique sizes, they cost me EUR 29 - each. The whole bike only cost EUR 25!

So, I'm in the market for a new city bike. I toyed with the idea of an ultra-minimalist single speed. But then thought, ok, well, I'm going to need lights. Plus a rack would be handy. And, if I'm going to cycle to work on it, a chain guard would be practical. Actually, there are a few small inclines on the way to work, so rather than sweating up them on a single speed, a few gears would be nice, just to pootle along... You get the idea - a horrendously practical and uncool city bike, the kind I used to laugh at a few years ago.

Now, I have to swallow my pride and go shopping for "sensible" bikes and wear my blinkers to try to ignore the carbon-fibre fixed wheel courier bikes with custom paint jobs displayed in the window. I'm trying to think of a way to at least salvage a semblance of coolness from the situation - e.g. buying a Moulton or something, but I think it's a lost cause. Any suggestions gratefully appreciated!